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geezmeister
(Of Counsel)
11-12-04 15:18
No 541243
      A letter to Dubya

This isn't original with me, but the author is unknown. A friend emailed to me and I thought I'd pass it on...

Dear President Bush;

Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
you and understand why you would propose and support a
constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As
you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between
a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow
them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her? (I'm pretty sure
she's a virgin).

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -
Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself,
or should I ask the police to do it? How can I help
you here?

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this? Aren't there 'degrees' of
abomination?

6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be
20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should
they die?

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair, like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and
thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so
I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging. It must be really great to be
on such close terms with God and his son, ... even better than you and your own Dad, eh?

mostly harmless

Unobtainium
(Minister of Propaganda)
11-12-04 15:20
No 541244
User Picture       That was actually a letter written to Dr ...

That was actually a letter written to Dr Laura. They just changed the name, but it still fits.

Milk rots your brain.

fnord
(Hive Bee)
11-12-04 20:10
No 541272
User Picture       uhhh

it actually started a while ago as a list of questions to ask your local priest and has been used under many diffrent names

fume hoods are for girly men

moo
(Hive Addict)
11-12-04 22:52
No 541291
      I've seen these before, even in my own ...

I've seen these before, even in my own language (let's admit it, Yuma-Arizonish that is). But what I'd really like to see is someone actually answering these questions...

_{fear fear hate hate}

MargaretThatcher
(Hive Bee)
11-13-04 01:15
No 541312
User Picture       And The Lord Said Blah Blah Blah

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities -- Voltaire

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful -- Seneca

What excellent fools religion makes of men! -- Ben Jonson

They must find it difficult, those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than the truth as authority -- Gerald Massey (Egyptologist)

Faith means not wanting to know what is true -- Friedrich Nietzsche

The urge to save humanity is almost always a falseface for the urge to rule it -- H.L. Mencken

Toward no crimes have men shown themselves so cold-bloodedly cruel as in punishing differences of belief -- James Russell Lowell

War has been used by religious leaders and followers alike as a way of justifyi8ng their own greed, power, and stupidity -- Senator Wayne Morse

Theocracy is the worst of all governments. If we must have a tyrant, a robber baron is better than an inquisitor -- C.S. Lewis (religious writer)

In the long run, the most unpleasant truth is a safer companion than a pleasant falsehood -- Theodore Roosevelt

I believe in an America where the separation of Church and State is absolute -- John F. Kennedy

If all the achievements of scientists were wiped out tomorrow, there would be no doctors, but witchdoctors, no transport faster than a horse, no computers, no printed books, no agriculture beyond subsistence peasant farming. If all the achievements of theologians were wiped out tomorrow, would anyone notice the smallest difference? -- Richard Dawkins

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion -- Aristotle

There is much in the Bible against which every instinct of my being rebels -- Helen Keller

There is nothing more negative than the result of the critical study of the life of Jesus -- Albert Schweitzer

It is a farce to call any being virtuous whose virtues do not result from the exercise of its own reason -- Mary Wollstonecraft

Missionaries are perfect nuisances and leave every place worse than they found it -- Charles Dickens

They came with a Bible and their religion--stole our land, crushed our spiritäand now they tell us we should be thankful to the "Lord" for being saved -- Chief Pontiac

If by "God," one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... It does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity -- Carl Sagan

I believe in a wall of separation between church and state so high that no one can climb over it -- Sam Ervin

Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the church, and the private schools, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the church and state forever separated -- Ulysses S. Grant

The first clergyman was the first sly rogue who encountered the first fool -- Voltaire

What excellent fools religion makes of men! -- Ben Jonson

Far more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion -- C.P. Snow

Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's? -- Friedrich Nietzsche

I was born a heretic. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows -- Susan B. Anthony

For who is to tell you the truth? No one. You must search it out yourself! The department of war will not tell you. Certainly the church isn't going to tell you the truth. Search in all obscure placesänot the established high towers and cathedrals for the answers -- William Allen White (editor)

The motive of fear is the be-all and the end-all of religion -- H.L. Mencken

To free a man from error is to give, not take away -- Arthur Schopenhauer

All religions die of one disease--that of being found out -- Joan Morley

When a man is freed of religion, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life -- -Sigmund Freud

And of all the plagues with which mankind are cursed, ecclesiastical tyranny's the worst -- Daniel De Foe

If I had my way, the world would hear a pretty stern command -- exit Christ -- Thomas Carlyle

We were not delivered into this planet by some god, but have come forth from it. We are its eyes and mind, its seeing and thinking -- Joseph Campbell

Finding that no religion is based on facts and cannot therefore be true, I began to reflect what must be the condition of mankind trained from infancy to believe in error -- Robert Owen

Our human ancestors thought long and hard on who and what they were and came up with the best explanations they could make. The frightening thing is that we--almost at the end of the 20th century, entering the space age becoming a society based on knowledge, are still hanging onto those explanations, which date back to our stone age -- Gene Roddenberry

When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free -- Charles Evans Hughes

As long as there is poverty, there will be gods -- Will Durant

In all countries, religion or superstition is closely related with crime -- Havelock Ellis

Religion and its practices have consistently been one of women's fiercest enemies. The fact that many women do not realize this shows how thorough the brainwashing and intimidation have been -- Arnold Toynbee

The Bible and the church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

If you take the Bible literally, then you've been taken - literally. --Dick Young

Year after year we feed organized religion the inchoate and defenseless minds of little children to satisfy it's ravenous lust. I say. let the damned beast starve - keep your children at home. --Ann N. Fidel

Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises. --Ambrose Bierce

Are you now, or have you ever been a Liberal? YES / NO

jboogie
(Hive Bee)
11-13-04 04:20
No 541327
User Picture       answers

1. slaves... there is no law prohibiting the ownership of canadians. you can own one. canadians are not complacent fucks like americans, so i highly doubt you ever have the chance to own one.

2. Selling your daughter... a fair price is hard to determine until i see how skilled she is. is she old enough to cook? clean? i think it would bee fair to pay the same price for your daughter that your father paid for your mother. i dont care if shes a virgin, she wont bee when im finished with her.

3. sacrifice... if they dont like it, tough shit! BBQ's rule. ill help you smite anyone who badmouths a BBQ party.

4. the sabbath... its not your responsibility to kill this neighbor, but the police will take forever to do anything about this. you ask "how can i help you here" well, you scratch my back...

5. shellfish... lobster? your friend doesnt like lobster? what about crawfish? there fuckin great in some Zaterains! and where the fuck do you get off comparing lobsters to butt-fucking?

6. glasses... if your a young boy these days, i wouldnt suggest getting close to those priests at the altar with out some kinda eye protection.

7. haircuts... these people should have their asshole stiched shut and given thanksgiving dinner early.

8. pigskin... get a rubber ball. as for pork rinds, youll definatly need those gloves.

9. blaspheme... cotton poly blend while working in the fields? no need to burn her, im sure shes hot enough already. i think we need to re-enact the scene from deliverance on your uncle; nothings worse than a motherfucker planting two crops in the same field, except for people that try to pass off expired coupons when i deliver a pizza to their house and then dont want it when i tell them it expired last week.

Don't you think if I had something intelligent to say, it would bee in my post?

midway
(Hive Bee)
11-13-04 21:55
No 541429
      gone? now i can show my true self! yay!

GW mailed me this answer: the bible has a set of codes for life in a primitive climate, so , yes youll find weird stuff like that in there. But the basic moral foundations still hold true for modern culture.

i mailed GW back:
you remind me of a longhorn i saw in austin texas. It was munching grass. Didnt seem to have much on its mind. Perhaps he was stupid, perhaps he was just a run of the mill politician, crooked, pandering all that normal stuff that doesnt understand why youre calling him evil. Then he saw F911 and cried. But he soon got over it, because after all, hes just a bull chewing grass. Then he shat on the grass and mood.

midway
(Hive Bee)
11-13-04 21:56
No 541430
      you can go cry now college boy.

Then GW mailed back:
He midway, i do feel guilty after eating a hamburger for a while, then i remember that its just a cow yada yada. get a life democrat.

then i cried.

midway

Saddam_Hussein
(Hive Bee)
11-13-04 22:15
No 541432
User Picture       hey maggie! how's y'r iron crotch today?

Saepius olim religio peperit scelerosa atque impia facta.

Lucretius, De Rerum Natura 1.76

Olim....

(but who gives a fuck, huh?)

President of the Iraqi Chemical Weapons of Mass Destruction Development Society

MargaretThatcher
(Hive Bee)
11-14-04 01:58
No 541466
User Picture       To be quite honest

it's gone a bit rusty, but the lead-lined handbag is still going strong, so watch it. That said, Thatcherism is a little less fascist and certainly more loyal than New Labour so if you need some help, just give me the nod.

Maggie

Are you now, or have you ever been a Liberal? YES / NO

Jade
(soccer mom)
11-14-04 21:09
No 541553
User Picture       Bush is not God!

9/11 Mom: An Open Letter to George W. Bush
on the Thirty-third Anniversary of My Daughter’s Birth
By: Donna Marsh O’Connor,Liverpool, NY, Mother of Vanessa Lang Langer, WTC Tower II, 93rd floor
Published: Oct 22, 2004
cc: Senator John Kerry

Sometimes, Mr. Bush, it’s the smallest of details that makes everything click. The smallest of details. Right now, Mr. Bush, I am looking at your watch. It’s an item of clothing accessory and, unlike your other costumes, it is one that is particularly revealing.

On Halloween my daughter would be thirty-three years old. Her child would be almost three. Seven weeks before her twenty-ninth birthday, Vanessa, four months pregnant, ran from the falling towers of the World Trade Center. She did not make it. Her body, and in it the small body of her unborn child, was pulled from the rubble of the fallen towers on September 24th, just ten feet from an alley between towers IV and V. It is important for me to tell you that she was on the phone to her uptown office five minutes after the first plane hit tower I, explaining how she and others in tower II were "safe."

Here is what you did regarding specifically the events of that morning: You vacationed before, during and after August 6th, the day you were handed the presidential daily briefing that said very clearly Vanessa Lang Langer and many other Americans were not safe. After the first plane hit tower I, the fact of the PDB did not click in your mind, did not cause you to act, to turn on a television, to contact the Pentagon. You sat so that you did not frighten a group of children. You did not worry about Vanessa’s brothers, or the young children who would certainly be directly affected by that event. You did not, like her fourteen year-old brother, rush from your seat and head for a phone, desperately trying to reach out, to fix, to save. You sat. You said, two weeks to the day before the general election of 2004, that you would protect Americans; that is, according to you, your primary responsibility as Commander-in Chief; no terrorists would get us, no terrorists would attack us (you said this with your arm extended), and I you said and I quote, on your watch. You said this with no sense of irony, no sense, no indication of how that text would sound to those you failed miserably to protect. You never notified officially the airlines, flight schools, persons who lived or worked in our tallest structures. You failed in your watch and on it.

Help me to understand this, because I was looking so closely at your watch. Five minutes, Mr. Bush. Five minutes. In that five minute space my sons lost a best friend, a future that included a loving sister and her future family. And my daughter lost the only thing in life I ever knew she really wanted. In fact, you stood on September 13th, on the rubble that covered my child’s bones and you began your move to have the war you had been planning since the beginning of your term in office. You, Mr. Bush, used my daughter’s murder to perpetrate the most hideous example of racism with the direst of consequences and you did it standing literally on her bones.

I am going to be very honest with you, Mr. Bush. I suspect that your culpability does not begin with your failures that day. It may be imprudent to mention this now because evidence is difficult to produce, but I am one of those pragmatists that rely on some basic fundamentals in crime solving. So let me say, when a crime is committed we are to find suspects by exploring motive, by looking at who had most to gain. You did, Mr. Bush, you and your friends at Halliburton and your friends in Saudi Arabia. And you have never answered for this. Don’t you think with all that has happened it would be in order for you to explain all you have come to gain, now and in the future, in terms of both money and power?

On September 11th, I was in Canada. When I heard the news I was walking in the street, enjoying what was to be the last of the purely beautiful sunny mornings of my life. My cell phone rang. And every second after that call was a mix of panic, dread, calm because this couldn’t be happening, and utter, absolute need to touch my daughter. What would you have done, Mr. Bush? What would your instincts have been? As a parent? I ask this because Senator Kerry during the second debate mentioned you are a “good father.” Are you? Have you made Americans, including your own daughters safer? Let me tell you what I wanted that morning. I wanted to fly to New York, to put my feet on my home soil as fast as humanly possible. I wanted to get to an airport and get home. Not an option for me, Mr. Bush. My husband and I just made it over the border before it closed. And on that morning, when no American citizen was allowed to fly in our airspace, on that morning and the mornings to follow, Americans were grounded. But bin Laden’s family flew. They flew home to Saudi Arabia. Before they were vetted by the F.B.I., by the C.I.A. And worst of all, you never were made to tell the truth about why that was so. I’m sorry, Mr. Bush. I will never understand this. Never. But still: your responsibility was then and is now to explain it. And to explain while that watch of yours leading up to the election is still ticking.

Right now there is a report from the C.I.A. that names explicitly your administration’s culpability regarding those events. Bipartisan leaders have requested, even demanded that those reports be turned over now to congress. You, according to reports, have refused to allow the C.I.A. to release them, just as you refused to testify under oath before the 9/11 commission. Now, Mr. Bush, release them. Before the election.

Right now, Mr. Bush, there are wide-spread rumors of vote tampering all over this country. And let me be clear about this: the rumors are that Republicans are benefiting from this tampering. Instead of enumerating our safeties, perhaps you could show some leadership, Mr. Bush, and demand that it stop now. Demand, Mr. Bush, that in this country our right to vote is protected. Because without that, we are not safe. Wouldn’t you agree?

After the 2000 election, where there were in Florida widespread problems with voting, Mr. Bush, voting in African American communities, you also did nothing. Absolutely nothing. You did nothing to counter the rumors that your brother handed you Florida. Nothing to smooth over what must have felt to African Americans (even if this was just rumor) the painful and the absolute, clear enactment of racial prejudice, not encoded in the ordinary acts of ordinary citizens, but in the very structure of the government that must be protective of all citizens of this country and the world. Why, Mr. Bush, did you fail to go to Florida and demand that these persons’ rights were protected? Or, at the very least, to apologize and guarantee that this would never happen again? What does America mean to you? In August of 2001, the United Nations hosted a conference on racism and Colin Powell, your Secretary of State wanted to attend. You did not allow this because, you said, we don’t have problems with racism in America. Do you see the pattern I am pointing at, here, Mr. Bush? In each case, the problems in this country have been enacted and exacerbated by you and you have attempted to cover them up. How could you do that to Colin Powell? How could you do that to another man?

When your children are young, Mr. Bush, they are often rebellious. They often admire you, but buck you at the same time. One way a mature parent feels this love is sometimes in the very ways in which your children buck you—by using the very part of your example they most admire. Vanessa confronted me every day of her life, especially on the days when she acted most loving. Parent/child things. The kind of things that all someday are made into family jokes when the child becomes a parent and sees that the very methods of touching and teaching and learning come from actions the parent used without thought. I never had that fully with Vanessa, the day when she consciously, because she was parenting herself, used my methods on another generation. But one day, almost there, Vanessa said to me, “Mom, you always made Christmases at home so beautiful…” and then she said, “And you taught us how not to be racist. You have no idea, Mom, how much racism there is and white people don’t always see it.”

I cannot tell you in shorthand, Mr. Bush, how important it was that she said those words before I lost her because unless she did, I would always have wondered, was I in any way that mattered a good enough parent to a woman who would die so young. I can tell you some of the methods I used with Vanessa and her brothers, but let me show you what you did that I had to explain and counter with all three of them:

You refused, when you met face-to-face with James Byrd’s daughter (You remember him, I am sure. He’s the African American man whose head was ripped almost off of his body in Texas by three white men who tied him to their pickup and dragged him along a Texas road.), you refused to sign a hate crimes bill as she begged you, crying. You didn’t even, as Molly Ivins reported, offer her a tissue. In that sense, Mr. Bush, you functioned as a very hostile branch of government, one that we might have predicted would not care if persons of color or persons of the other party were denied the right to vote.

But then, Mr. Bush, you used this tendency of yours, this refusal to get behind most Americans’ desires to eradicate racism by pretending Osama bin Laden is the embodiment of Saddam Hussein and vice versa. One man equals the other. They are both Arabs. Do you own a globe, Mr. Bush? Do you know where Afghanistan is? Do you know where Iraq is? Have you been there since the war began to examine what you have done to the civilians you were going to protect? Interesting detail (and perhaps a warning from G-d): Vanessa, when she got one of her first jobs, bought me a daily planner with a map on it. The map on this particular piece of canvas has in its center Afghanistan. To the right of this small country is a larger country—Iran and to the right of that—Iraq, also small, even smaller (geographically and metaphorically speaking) of Afghanistan. Just under Iraq, writ very large on my daily planner is Saudi Arabia. You know, Saudi Arabia, Mr. Bush. I know you do because the families of 9/11 who got together to bankrupt terrorism, those people who are bringing suit against the Saudis got no help from your administration. None. Though you should know that a coalition of the willing, including France, Spain, Great Britain and Germany have offered help to the families of 9/11 as they try to connect the events of 9/11 to the real perpetrators. There are connections between the Saudis and the terrorists, the terrorists who, no doubt, now that you have opened up a haven for terrorism in Iraq, are growing in number and resources. How much time do you have left, Mr. Bush? What is on your watch? Am I taking too long?

What costume will you wear on Vanessa’s birthday this year, Mr. Bush? Will you dress up as the head of the military or a foot soldier of Prince Bandar or Dick Cheney? Will you wear a white sheet with a cone head, Mr. Bush? Will you pretend you’re a plain speaking, Texas cowboy, with your shirt sleeves rolled up, proclaiming happily how safe you’ll keep us as you point to your watch? Will you dress up again as a good Christian? Will you dress up as a Republican? You are, you know, not a Republican. You have shamed Republicans. I know one thing, Mr. Bush: I am going to try very hard not to have you dress up anymore as Commander-in Chief. In more ways than I have articulated here, that costume does not fit you. I am a proud American citizen, Mr. Bush, who is disgusted that you try to portray yourself as patriotic. You have trampled every value of decency America ever held dear.

Do you believe in G-d, Mr. Bush, really? Really? Because, to me, as a flawed parent, flawed person, flawed citizen, I ask G-d to help me fix my flaws, to forgive me my trespasses. And here’s what I hear Him telling me:

Don’t let him speak for Me. If you do, it is you who fail to watch over your children. You.

There's a terrorist behind every Bush.

jsorex
(Hive Addict)
11-14-04 23:26
No 541574
      Have you seen that drawing where there's an...

Have you seen that drawing where there's an american christian soldier going to heaven, and then God is pondering, and finally asks in disbelief: "What part of 'do not kill' did you not understand?"

I don't think GWB is really christian, he just says all that judeo-christian stuff, because most voters in the US are. Actually all politics has something to do with money now'a'days.

Nothing is true, except money.

Money has practical implications, theoretical science, religions, ethical notions, little children and families and anything else cannot have so much practical impact as money.

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